get up and stop whining

I’m filled with my own thought and feeling miserable. Hate this kind of feeling - unsure, unsecure and helpless. Life is just not something I look forward to from the moment I wake up until off to bed. As if it’s not enough of torture, nightmare chase me to my dream waking me up grasping for air - breathless

I know I’m kinda a complain bitch these past few weeks. Wonder how did the hell Yew could stand me hearing all those complaining. Of all our daily conversation 60% of it are my complain. He is very patience to me tho, making me feel like im this crazy bitch who loves to whine at every single thing in her life.

Work even though I’m not the best, i did pretty well. But I am not exactly happy with the working attitude of most colleagues. Skill and proficiency is not fairly evaluated but more likely to savingmyass.com or youcovermyass.com. Perhaps they should have put “all in” in the middle of my name on my name card.

For this once I envy the Singaporean. How I wish I could throw my resignation saying “I quit!” and walk off. but sorry to say fact is I’m stuck. I have no one to blame but myself.

2 ½ year had gone by since I landed my ass here and I just turned 29 this month. Time to flashback about mission and vision before I came to this little red dot country. Trying to evaluate myself if I can consider my self as successful in life or just a pathetic loser!

I feel satisfied at some of point and happy for the achievement I’ve made. But yesterday it hit me off when I realized that my employment pass is going to expire by Feb 2011. Tho I hate it to stay but leaving the country wasn’t exactly the picture I ever thought of. Shall my boss not extending my permit or the government not approving my extension, when worst thing happen I’m still left with no savings, no plan for future. 7 months from now seems scary and real now. OMG what have I been doing for the past 2 ½ year???

I blame it that I’m not born into a rich family like most of my friends. I blame it that im the eldest in the family. I blame it that I am the bread winner. I blame it that I raise my siblings instead that supposedly my parents’ job. I blame for all the expenses that I did not consume. And at the end of the day I have no one to blame but myself.

Time to wake up, get up and stop whining.